Nursha's birthday party will be held this sunday. Was out with Fizah and Epul to find her birthday party decoration items. Out of all days, my batt chose to go flat today and there goes my chance of talking to MR. The traffic was such an ass today. I was hoping i could be home before MR go supper so i can still chat with MR for even a short while but everywhere was congested. I suddenly felt like since when every singaporean owns a car...there was like billions and zillions of cars out there today. Finally, i reached home and was happy at least i wont miss anymore call from MR should MR call and well MR did call me but it was such a short short while coz MR is damn damn busy today. Anyway MR was late for work that explains why there wasn't a single message from MR after i message MR for don't know how many times till i lost count. *sighs*

I feel that MR starts to slack in giving me attention or its juz me feeling insecure. Each time im with MR, i feel time pass so fast and the next moment we knew it, its time to go to sleep as either one of us are working the next day.

My only companion now is the new Taufik's hit song, Usah Lepaskan. Love the song to the max as it carries alot of meaning.

I've been feeling uncertain lately. At times, i feel like crying and at times, i feel like laughing out loud. What have gotten into me? God knows what. I guess i've gone crazy.

Why am i feeling this way? Why am i doing this? What have become of me? Distress....Insecure....

Taufik's song that hit me the most is this part:-

It went on smoothly as i would want it to happen....

Someone compliment that im cute...haha that's me isnt it??

Nice weather to cuddle up with your beloved ones....when will it be my turn?? Only god knows when....*sighs*

Just wish it will happen....i hope its gonna be real soon...

I feel much refreshed now that i've managed to talk it out with my Beloved Sis....

The feeling of uneasiness was killing me...to be exact its actually affecting MR too. MR is so worried about me, my uneasiness and my dreams.....

Now, i shall have more faith in myself. MR gave me a good assurance but still, its still too early to comment anything coz people change but i hope MR will be like this forever till the end of the world.

I've been such a bitch with the stupid feelings and tots that i have had.

Juz wanna be happy and contented. Dun wanna face another blow coz i can never handle it again....*sighs*

I cried last nite. I feared that my decision was wrong. I feared that things never change.

I cried my hearts out...please don't make me hurt anyone. It has never cross my mind and never was my intention to hurt anyone.

What have i done wrong this time round? What have i done?

Oh god....please guide me. Please show me the truth....*sobs*

First of all, i want to congratulate the new Parents, Ali whose wife juz gave birth to Baby Reyes and to Ina who gave birth to baby Hilfi. Both lil boys are so cute....!!!!! (when will it be my turn???)

Our 'lytle' discussion have reached a conclusion, now im juz waiting for the 1st stage and then the actual thing. Alot of things have been discussed prior to this and MR has been really accomodating to me...

Alot of plannings to be done but first let me enjoy my Awaiting Trip to Bangkok. Less than a month to go....*smiles*

The list of things I juz can't wait to happen:-

1) My Desktop
2) Bangkok Trip
3) Plan 1
4) Plan 2
5) My New Handphone
6) My Mp3 player

Well, i've listed on base on the priority and what's gonna happen first...i hope everything moves smoothly...insyallah

Was feeling uneasy yesterday night. The feeling of something bad gonna happen but with no clue where or when or why or who the thing or person will happen. HE emailed me saying HE had a vision about me. I got no clue what the vision is. Today HE emailed me again saying HE dreamt me crying. I wonder what made me cry and why.

I pray hard that HE will never cross my path anymore. What i meant is that HE will never bump into me, HE will never get to sense me at all, HE will never get to even get a glance, HE will not even see my shadows and HE will never be able to smell my presence. Amin....

Today, JG is on leave for two days. Im feeling bored...real bored.....
Waiting for the dispatch to come and deliver my Bangkok Trip Tickets!!!!!!! Yeay Yeay!!!!!! *shake ass*

I slept early yesterday but im still sleepy....macam mana nie!!!!!!!! *sighs*

2 more days and i will get my PC...2 more days....2 more days....yeay!!!! *smiles*

Exam's over. It wasn't so tough and i felt much much relieved.

Looking forward to Bangkok's trip. Everything settled and that another relief.

Our plans are moving smoothly. We finally had our 'lytle' talk last nite and discussed on our plans. Now i know what to expects, that is another relief.

I'm wondering how is HE now. I hope HE is fine and managing life as HE usually does.

In the other hand...i believe HE is back to his old ways. HE must be enjoying life now and if HE does, that good for him. I'm sharing his happiness.

I am happy now and thanks to The One. Everything is falling into its place and i wish and pray hard that it will remain this way forever. Amin......*smiles*

I dont understand the purpose of the call. If the intention is to piss me off, congrats you have made me. Clarifying you said? Its more on saying what you think and feel. You're too desperate to kick me out and so this is the best way for you. Ur juz too egoistic to admit defeat to admit lost.

Yes, you have lost me for the past years, now and future. You can say whatever you want to say but i will still be on my firm ground not because of Him but because of the period of time i've endured you.

Now, you come back saying what you did wasn't wrong coz we weren't together at that point of time. Yes, i agree we weren't together but you breached the trust that bonds us together. If you say you weren't at fault for doing so, i am not at fault either. In the first place, we were never together...our relationship died 1yr 10mths ago. I was foolish to stay but still i did. I didnt dump you but you dumped me for god knows how many time. If you want to say you are still with me still for the past years, ya i agree, you are still with me but not there for me when i need you.

You said i dump you when i found a new one...what about you?? When you are in contact with Power Puff Gal, you go out with her and so on, did you think of me? Did you prioritise me? Did you care where i was? You only finds me when she pissed you off or when ur drunk. Why at that point of time where you were in deep shit, didnt you turn to the Powerpuff Gal since you spent all weekend with her, partying, having dinner and so on shit? Wasn't i the stupid one that was there for you? Go to your aid regardless timing but when u picked urself up, who did you celebrate it with? Me or Powerpuff gal and frens?

I endured the worst nightmare, i face it and forgave you and now you pushing all the blame back to me? Blame me as much as you want. Say whatever you want to say. I've gone through alot and this is nothing. I can still face it. Go ahead spread the words about me. Go ahead blame me. What can another hurt do to me since u always hurt me?

I thank you alot. Today you made me realise that i should have hate you long time back. God is fair and he is not blind. Why should i care now what you want to say or think about me? I know i did no wrong by moving on. I did no wrong by having a new boyfriend.

If i didnt choose to move on, do you think you will say what you have said to me? No...it will not strike you and i will still be the stupid one waiting and waiting.

Do you think you can change? No... You will never change...today, is a very good example.

To me, my beloved YOU died when the engagment was off in January 2005. There is nothing else to talk about now...nothing to clarify. Keep urself away from me and i will do so too.

No. 1 - check......Positive

No. 2 - check......Positive

No. 3 - check......Positive

Too much positivity.....what a way to start...*smiles*

Am i dreaming??? Smack me in the face....make it real hard....

Yo Wid...Wake up!!!!

Im in cloud nine people....cloud nine....*smiles*

I can feel the happiness...its filling me up. I wish i could share but i rather let it be my little secret.

Life is like that. Now i want to make myself happy then others coz it's about time i think for myself.

Thanks for making me move....Thanks for everything...

You have your gain and your lost at the same time.

Be happy people...be happy for me...*winks*

I can feel the stress filling me up....exam is 7 days away and i have not started revising at all.

Wanted to sun tan yesterday but was having sun set instead. Bangkok trip is not settled yet. Revision is not done yet. Im sad and stress....*sobs*

I've signed up the Singnet promotion which comes with a free desktop. Im happy finally i can upload my pictures and not bother people anymore....

How am i going to pull through the paper? My mock exam was a flop. Im suppose to do one compulsory qstn and 3 others which we can choose. I spent 1hr+ on the compulsory qstn and only manage to comple 2 others....damn i can really feel the pressure now *sobs*

Please let me pass my paper....

God is fair. He has seen me suffered enuf. He gave me courage to move on so please respect that.

Yeay!!!! Hotel for Bangkok trip is confirmed. Its gonna happen people....its gonna happen!!!!!

I never have tot that things will end up this way. There was no intention to hurt or disappoint anyone.

I have instilled too much hatred in me that i have turn back to the old gal which i have left 4yrs back. It could be for the better or for the worst.

Juz go...move on...i noe you can do it. I meant nothing. Don't you remember what you have always said to me last time? Have you forgotten how i was treated? Now, everyone look at me as if im the bad egg which im not. It saddens me seeing you in that state. It hurts me to see how much the person i use to love is regretting and suffering over the mistakes he was insensitive and ignorant about previously. I noe ppl only realise when its too late and i dont blame you for that...

Im sorry if i have caused so much pain. I can't forget the past. Im wounded so badly and it can never heal. I forgive you but i can never forget. I dont want to step into the history again and get hurt. Let me move on. Hate me if you have too but pls set me free...

Exam is around the corner and to be exact, its only 12 days away. Im feeling abit stress right now as i have not started revising...*sighs*

Having mock exam today and thank god, we have a choice of having it as an open book mock exam or a close book mock exam.

Had a terrible start today but yeah its over and so should not brood about it again.

Bangkok trip seems to be on a shaky ground now. Seems like the fares hiked up so much and hotel rooms seems to be all booked. Its my goal and dream of this year to set my foot there and it now look so vague that i'll be able to achieve that goal and dream of mine...*sobs*

I wonder why is it people have to realise their wrongdoings when its too late. Some say its better late then never but face the facts, what done can never be undone and regretting it or realising it at a later stage is not a good option to choose or easier to say, it was never to be an option. In reality, that's what us, human beings, always chose. *sighs*

Im getting the hang of the quietness in this office and im missing the loudness and fun of the old office. It's okay as we are still calling each other and updating oneself of what's happening around us.

What's gonna happen next, let god decide.

A lytle update on what has been happening....

My grandpa pass away on the 3rd November, last friday. We were sad but its better for him to move on now rather than he continues suffering with his illness. Didnt expect that it was so soon..seriously i didnt know. I felt so bad *sobs*

I finally confess to KS that i have started at my new job. I could really feel the guilt off my chest.

Went out with the Group over the weekend and had a lot of fun. Finally my 3 babies met up...Nursha as per normal full of unexpected mischieves, adik was stuck with UNCLE BIAS and abang, without fail always makes me smile with his up to dates words and tricks...

It was a really tiring weekend but worth it.

I heard from a friend, Bangkok's bombing is getting worst but im not bothered by that and still going on with the trip. Should i were fated to die there, then i would. Death lingers around us 24-7 so whats the issue??

Im feeling a bit confused now...not really certain of my choice...there i go again...*sighs*

I have officially became a mute. This is a library so keep your mouth SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 more days like this, I'll have speech problem.

100 more days like this, i'll talk to people using sign language.

Im juz not use to it yet. Oh damn im so sleepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wonder how they actually survive keeping their mouth shut for the whole day...

Confirm buka mulut, lalat mati siak....hahaha!!!!!