I left 2004 with unsettled matters and started 2005 brand new with the hope that wateva mishaps happened before the end of 2004 wont recur.

For now and forever, i hope it won't recure and thank goodness for now it didnt coz my tiny heart have no more room to accomodate another sadness. Eventhough so, its not the same anymore. Wheneva i look deep into the emontion and expression, i dont feel the vibes as strong as it used to. The snuggy feeling, the warmth, the happiness, the bonding, the humour and everything which i use to enjoy seems to be missing. It's there but its vague and superceeding.

I miss something of the past...i really do.

I miss the humour, the love, the smile, the rants, the warmth, the hugs....I MISS YOU!!! Please give me back you....I miss those mushy words, the jokes, the sweet messages that would leave me smiling for the rest of the day, i miss the humourous jokes which makes my tummy burst, locked my jaw and roll my tears. I miss you pissing me off, I miss you going "APA JE!!!" with the facial expression and the finger....I miss you saying "Dear, tis song makes me want to fart!!!" my goodness you dont know how much i missed you.

Conclusion, I really miss you...Please return me my old sweet loving you.

I am afraid now...Am afraid to say what lies beneath me...Im afraid of losing something and someone so precious...I am afraid of the truth nowadays...I am afraid i couldnt hold on anymore...I am afraid to give up...I am afraid of myself now...I am afraid of the future...I am afraid to cry...I am afraid to be angry...I am afraid of LIFE...Can you tell me why??? Would you tell me why?? Will my dreams and hope come true? Will it be a reality? Will it?

My company have become the IBM Premier Partner therefore all of us are not allowed to use Microsoft office anymore instead we are suppose to use only Lotus Suite. Hmm...i have enslaved myself on MICROSOFT PRODUCTS all this while and now!!!!!!! *stress*

Its okay to change actually but my stupid CPU didnt want to change....hahaha merajuk lah konon tu... *grins*

Actually the real case was, my C:\ dont have enuf space to download and accomodate that software so the only way was to delete off the unwanted softwares in the CPU rite? I DID and guess wat??? MASIH TAK CUKUP LAH!!!!! Arrggghhhh GILER arrrrr!!!!!!

I deleted almost all the folders and softwares till my PC seems to go botak but its still doesnt want to download so alternatively was to download into another server drive and I did but this stupid Lotus software tak nak download into that drive (D:\) it die die redirect itself to C:\......F@*K!!!!!!! Sawan ar nie PC!!!

So i put on my sympathetic all mercy face and told my 3 bosses about it and they suggested the same ways which i have done and when i told them wat i've done so they went mute!!! Cakap lah setan serondeng saper suruh korang diam... So aku lah sorang tinggal tak pakai lotus...special pe..

I managed to chat with raudz earlier on and Gal im relieved..."It" mula2 meronta skarang da chill....Chill babe...

Im watching "Seed of Chucky" Tonite eventhough people have been commenting that the show sucks but who cares!!! My do$h lemme have my own medicine...hahaha

Btw i bought two shoes last week, a slip in and a ballerina shoes and splurge my do$h on the Topshop hot sexy tangy Gs....*ahaks* Yesterday, i bought my beauty needs...my mask, 3 steps facial needs..i've been having this fetish to try the NIVEA Skin Tightening Cream, im not sure whether it works but i still buy it...*winks* Indulge myself in raw salmon, sushi and nuggets...

I tot i was wayyyyyyy over my cautius of being fat but im still the same old me...Till now, i am still rejecting chocolates and sweets and biscuits and all the JUNK food in a nice saying "Thanks for offering but im SCARED FAT!!!" *shrugs* haiz not sure why but which slim lady want to be FAT??? and and which Plump Lady dont want to be SLIM????? Tell me people...tell me please

Okay im so tired of rantings now...buzz off time

A brand new year, a brand new adventurous life to explore, a brand new experience...

Lets rekept wat have been done and experienced in 2004:-

Started off the year by watching Ju-On 2 at great world city with my Baby of coz and slack the nite away as we are really out of idea and plan of wat to be done on that particular day..Next day, off to KL we went. There he had a new tattoo for the year of 2004. Haha, wat a way to start. Indulge myselfs in foods and lotsa shopping..damn...i really miss dat!!!!

February..a month i couldnt forget. This is the month we got engaged and stepping further to our future. The nite of the engagement itself, we went party and stayed out till the next day as what my mom always say "Huh nanti balik malam2..." Kalau tak leh alik malam, alik pagi...hahaha

March, my Baby's Birthday and for the first time, there was a Drum and Bass Gig...such a coincidence but glad he wasn't drunk. He got 4 gifts from me. Crazy boi.....

Had a great Birthday myself with a lot of surprises from my BABY and my Frens...You guys are so sweet!!!!! Raudz...i love dos beads tat you gave me....Muach!!!Muach!!!

Eventhou there are ups and downs throughout the year, i truely madly deeply enjoy the year coz wateva happen in 2004 really tot me how to live life to the fullest. I learn to be more patient and more sensitive to others. I learn that being patient and kind to others, really pays. Hold on people no matter how hard it seems or how hurting it would be, juz be strong and hold on as it pays...trust me *winks*

Meeting new frens and old frens were something i would neva want it to end...I miss my frens yesh!!!!yesh!!!! i really miss all of ya!!!!

2004 was a step to my future...a step of knowing myself more and challenging myself to take more responsibility towards family, fiance, frens and work.

I welcome you 2005..may you bring me more happiness with all the enjoyment you may consist!!!!

Happy New Year All!!!!!